Sex. To quote a well-known song, let's talk about it. Or, more specifically, what happens when someone's sexual behaviour becomes dysfunctional and spirals into addiction. While sex can be a great way to build the closeness in a relationship or even just a bit of fun between two adults, for some people it can become a crutch to deal with intimacy issues or emotional problems. Though there are various forms - such as a reliance on pornography, excessive masturbation, or engaging in reckless sexual behaviours - it is the associated loss of control that indicates a problematic relationship with sex.
Prevalence
While sex can seem like it's everywhere, British people are actually having less sex now than they were two decades ago. The 2010 National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles found that UK adults have dropped down from sex sessions five times a week in the 1990's to only three times a week. Though 82% of British men between 16 to 74 are sexually active, one in four adults between the ages of 24 to 35 reported not having had any sex at all in the four weeks prior to the survey.
The same can not be said, however, when it comes to pornography consumption. 8.5% of all Google searches in the UK lead to adult content – ranking well above the 7.7% world average. Research suggests that almost a third of men watch pornographic content daily and, while under-reported in comparison, over a third of women access porn at least once a week.
An interest in sex and pornography is normal for most adults - studies have found that the average adult thinks about it between 10 and 20 times a day. While a high sex drive or thinking about sex more often than these averages does not necessarily indicate a sex addiction, engaging in risky sexual behaviours or feeling that their sexual side is out of control can. Around 8% of the population are thought to have a sex addiction, though conflict over diagnosis and the taboo nature of the subject mean that there is a large probability that this number may actually be higher. It is more common among men than women and sex addiction is also more likely to affect someone who is heterosexual than LGBT+.
Statistics vary greatly when it comes to the prevalence of pornography addiction. A study by Childline in 2016 found that 10% of 12 and 13 year olds are concerned that they may have a porn addiction. Another study, this time focused on pre-university students in rural India, found that almost 75% of the boys surveyed were addicted to porn. While there may be some differences of opinion over what exactly constitutes a pornography addiction between these two studies, the true percentage of the population having an addiction to porn is likely to be somewhere in between these statistics. It cannot be denied, however, that the issue is becoming more and more common, with research in 2013 revealing that 94% of therapists had seen a rise in reports of porn addiction.
Health Risks
While regular orgasms are thought to have great health benefits, an addiction to sex can negate these benefits and put the individual at risk. A sex addict may have intercourse more frequently than average, they may engage potentially harmful sexual behaviours, or they may not always use condoms. These behaviours increase the likelihood that the addict will contract a sexually transmitted infection (or STI). The health risks associated with different untreated STIs – including syphilis, HIV, and genital warts – can range from fevers and scarring to infertility and even death.
Chlamydia is one of the UK's most common sexually transmitted infections, making up 46.1% of all English STIs diagnosed in 2015. The infection doesn't always show symptoms – only around 30% of infected women show any signs of chlamydia – meaning that a significant portion of the sexually active population have it and can pass it on without having any idea. If left untreated, chlamydia can go on to cause infertility in both men and women.
Some sex addicts may develop a dependence on masturbation to deal with an emotional problem or stress. As with addictions to sex and pornography, there is no consensus over how much is too much masturbation, but it is instead down to when it starts to negatively impact the individual's life. Those who do engage in excessive masturbation as part of their sex addiction do, however, put themselves at additional risk. For men, the friction that comes with masturbation can make the skin of the penis feel “raw” or sore, and they are also at risk of injuring the soft tissues. In women, there can be increased risk of yeast infections for certain methods of self-pleasure. A sex addict with a masturbation dependency can, in some cases, find it harder to feel fully satisfied during liaisons with a partner, as the method of stimulation (e.g. a penis penetrating a vagina or a mouth stimulating the clitoris) is different than what has become their norm.
Like many addictions, a maladaptive relationship with sex can negatively impact the individual's mental health. They may fall into a cycle of low feelings, sexual behaviours to feel temporarily happy or fulfilled, only to feel guilt or ashamed afterwards. The addictive sexual behaviour may also have formed in response to mental health issues already present within the individual and these may be exacerbated by this cycle.
Individuals with sex addiction are also susceptible to other addictions or dependencies, meaning that the health risks associated with these secondary addictions are also present. A report from the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity in the US found that 83% of sex addicts also have a secondary form of addiction. Some of these, such as alcoholism or eating disorders, can cause significant illness and may even lead to death.
Social Problems
An addiction to sex can lower the individual's mood and self-esteem, meaning that it can become harder for them to connect with others. A study by the researcher Patrick Carnes found that 96% of the sex addicts he surveyed felt extremely isolated and most attributed this to their inability to form close relationships. While they could be physically intimate, fears over how they may be judged for their addiction prevented them from developing an emotional closeness. Worry over how their sex addiction may change how they are viewed can also have a detrimental affect on relationships already present in the lives of sex addicts.
Relationships and families can go through significant strain in the face of a sex addiction for a number of reasons. As mentioned above, a sex addict may shut themselves off to avoid judgement, but the secretive behaviour associated with any form of addiction may also impact the closeness they feel with loved ones. Their compulsion to engage in sexual behaviour may also lead them to miss social events or prioritise their cravings over other responsibilities, such as employment or housework, further degrading important relationships.
If a sex addict is married or in a long-term relationship, there is a risk of them being unfaithful or finding that their interests are more focused on their needs rather than that of their partner. This can cause arguments and may cause the partner to feel unloved or betrayed. There is a risk of relationship breakdown and divorce if these feelings cannot be resolved. Children, if present, may feel upset or unsure about the tension in their family and may experience struggles within their own relationships.
Criminal
Many sex addicts will remain law-abiding citizens, engaging in consensual sexual activities that don't cause any harm, though perhaps at a higher rate than average. As with other addictions, however, the brain becomes used to the usual “dose” and this can cause the sexual behaviour to escalate and become more reckless or dangerous. According to research by the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, as many as 58% of sex addicts will commit illegal sexual activities during the course of their addiction. For most, this figure relates to prostitution, but it could also include voyeuristic acts, non-consensual activities, or even child pornography.
This escalation of behaviour has also been found in the relationship between sex addicts and pornography consumption. Research has found that sex addicts who regularly watch porn show lowered levels of arousal and less brain stimulation when exposed to more typical or “vanilla” porn. Boredom may then lead the user to access more extreme forms of pornography and this could lead them into dangerous or criminal activities,such as soliciting sex online or accessing illegal content.
Financial Costs
The cost of a sex addiction will vary extensively dependent on the interests and lifestyle of the individual. Some may keep their actions between consenting adults, using condoms, and only access free porn. This would mean that the biggest financial impact their addiction may cause would most likely be lost work hours or effectiveness. A 2013 report found that there were around 800 attempts to access pornographic websites daily within parliament offices and, given that 14% of UK employees spend more than half their working day on the web for non-work purposes, these results are unlikely to be limited to those in the political world. In many cases, accessing pornographic content during working hours is likely to result in suspension or loss of employment and this may cause significant cost to a sex addict who is unable to control their compulsion.
Some sex addicts may also pay for content or services to satiate their cravings, such as engaging the services of an online “cam girl” or signing up for a porn subscription, the prices of which vary greatly. Watching someone perform sexual acts over webcam can cost as much as £4 a minute, while engaging in the services of a prostitute can involve not only a substantial amount of money, but also present the risk of legal costs if caught.
Signs of Addiction
The behaviours of a sex addiction go beyond actions that could just be attributed to a high-sex drive. A sex addict will often move rapidly through multiple sex partners and may use prostitutes or engage in online sex chats to satisfy their cravings. They may also masturbate excessively or seek out pornography at an above average level. No matter what the behaviour, however, an individual with a sex addiction is likely to feel that their sexual activity is out of control and negatively impacting their lives.
Sex addiction can cause the individual to struggle with emotionally intimate relationships and therefore may struggle to feel close to those around them. The guilt and emotional upheaval related to their maladaptive behaviours can cause them to feel irritable, leading to arguments, and they may feel anxious or out of sorts when it has been a while since they satisfied their sexual cravings.
Treatment Options
A sex addiction can form in response to issues already present within the individual's life, such as feeling stressed about work or having previously had struggles with intimacy, and so working out what may have led them to this point is an important step towards recovery for any sex addict. Some find themselves able to take steps towards changing their behaviours on their own, through avoiding temptations and selecting a replacement coping method, but professional therapy may help those who need additional support. As with many addictions, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can help the sex addict work to alter the thought patterns that lead to their negative sexual behaviours but group therapy and online forums can be other suitable options.
As many of those with an addiction to sex also have a secondary addiction, it may be necessary for the addict to treat this as well to help them overcome their maladaptive sexual behaviours. This can differ widely dependent on the associated addiction. Some, like compulsive shopping, will require the addict to work out why they have fallen into these patterns of behaviour and avoid temptation to help them find more suitable outlets for their emotions. Others, like an addiction to alcohol, may require medical support to ensure that they don't face the possible adverse affects that come with withdrawal. Most importantly, with an eagerness to address their sexual behaviours and the support of those around them, it is possible for a sex addict to regain a more typical relationship with sex.
Hypnosis for Sex Addiction or Porn Addiction
Hypnosis, NLP and CBT can deal with sex or porn addictions in just a few sessions. If you'd like to see if we could help you just complete this 60 second confidential test below: